Life as an Out-of-State Student

This list is adapted from my post for Her Campus at Chapel Hill. Click here to check it out!

“I think we need a break. It’s not you; it’s me. I just need some space. I need to figure things out on my own, be independent.”

These were the lines I spoke to my mom before I left for college. Yep, I used a break-up line with my mom (it definitely helped soften the blow) when I told her that I was going to college out of state. She was mostly fine with it until I told her that I would be going over 500 miles away. That’s right; I left my home state of New York to go to school in North Carolina, and let me tell you it was the greatest decision I’ve ever made!

A few years later, I was preparing to do it all over again—this time heading to Massachusetts for grad school.

Moving away from home taught me a lot about independence, friendship, homesickness, and figuring things out as I went. And while everyone talks about the excitement of going away to college, there are a few parts of being an out-of-state student that don’t always make it into the brochure.

So, from someone who has been there, here are a few of the triumphs and trials of being an out-of-state student.

Independence Smacks You In the Face…In a Good Way

When you’re hundreds of miles away from home, your parents can’t exactly swing by whenever you need something.

Sick? You’re taking care of yourself.

Forgot something at home? You’re probably figuring out how to live without it.

Need help with something you would normally ask your family about? Time to get creative.

At first, that can feel a little overwhelming. You’re suddenly responsible for things you may not have had to think about before, and there’s no familiar safety net just a few minutes away. But eventually, something clicks. You realize you can handle things on your own.

You learn how to make appointments, solve little problems, navigate unfamiliar places, manage your time, and generally figure out this whole “being an adult” thing one day at a time.

It’s not always graceful, but that’s kind of the point.

Suddenly, You Have State Pride

I’ve never been one to boast about my state, but since leaving it, I’ve become a state enthusiast. Suddenly, anything with the words New York on it became infinitely more interesting.

Someone mentioned they were from New York? Instant friendship.

Saw a New York-themed shirt? I needed it.

Heard someone talking about a restaurant from home? I had questions.

There’s something funny about leaving a place and realizing how much of it you’ve taken for granted. You start noticing the little things you miss—the food, the people, the familiar places, the accent, even the things you used to complain about. Distance has a funny way of giving you a new appreciation for home.

Friends? What Are Those?

One of the hardest parts about moving somewhere new is realizing that you don’t automatically have a built-in social circle. Back home, you probably already knew where everything was, who your friends were, and which people you could text when you wanted to make plans.

At college, you’re starting from scratch, and if you’re attending school out of state, it can sometimes feel like everyone else already knows everyone. You might watch people greet each other and think:

Wait… how do you all know each other?!

The good news is that most people are in the exact same boat, even if it doesn’t look that way. Say yes to invitations. Talk to the person sitting next to you. Join the club you’ve been considering. Go to the event even if you don’t know anyone there.

Some of the best friendships can come from simply being willing to put yourself out there.

Prepare to Be Very, Very Lost

This one is inevitable. Someone will casually say:

“Let’s meet at [insert completely unfamiliar local landmark here].”

You’ll smile, nod, and pretend you know exactly what they’re talking about.

You do not.

When you’re new to an area, you don’t have the built-in knowledge that everyone else seems to have. You don’t know which neighborhoods are where, which roads connect to which, or why everyone keeps referring to places you’ve never heard of.

For a while, Google Maps may genuinely become your most reliable friend. But there’s actually something kind of fun about being unfamiliar with a place; you get to discover it.

You find your favorite coffee shop. You stumble across a restaurant you love. You learn which neighborhoods you want to explore. You start building your own mental map of your new home.

And sometimes getting completely lost—or at least slightly lost—is how you end up making the best memories.

You’ll Miss Home—and That’s Okay

This might be the part people don’t talk about enough. You can be incredibly excited about where you are and still miss where you came from. Those feelings can exist at the same time.

You might have an amazing weekend with your new friends and then suddenly wish you could have dinner with your family.

You might love your new city and still miss your favorite places back home.

You might be completely confident in your decision to move away and still have moments where you wonder what life would look like if you hadn’t.

None of that means you made the wrong choice; it just means home matters to you. And one of the unexpected gifts of going away is getting to decide what parts of home you want to carry with you.

Make the Most of Being Somewhere New

Being an out-of-state student comes with its challenges, but that’s also what makes the experience so rewarding. You’re not just going to school somewhere different; you’re learning how to build a life somewhere unfamiliar.

Try new things. Explore beyond your campus. Meet people who grew up differently from you. Take the road trip. Find your favorite local restaurant. Get lost once or twice.

And don’t be afraid to miss home along the way. Leaving home doesn’t mean you have to leave it behind. Sometimes, you just have to go somewhere new to realize how much both places can mean to you.

And honestly? I’m pretty glad I took that first leap.

What state are you from, and where are you going to school?